YOUR FRIENDS WILL MAKE OR BREAK YOU
Aaaaand that’s all folks! The end. Goodbye. See you later!
It’s really that simple.
Below are examples on why it’s so important to get rid of Toxic people in your life, and how they DO affect you, whether you realize it or not.
#1 Toxic People Are Energy Suckers
Oprah Winfrey sums it up PERFECTLY in this video below, so I will let her do the talking for this one:
PREACH IT, OPRAH!!
CAN I GET A “YUUUUUUP! SO TRUE!”
#2 Toxic People Negatively Impact Your Mood and Time, In Other Words…Your LIFE
Like in the words of the famous viral video star, Sweet Brown, “Aint nobody got time for that!!”
How often do you find yourself venting about a specific person with loved ones, so that they can either validate your feelings of frustration or comfort you from your feelings of frustration.
Not only has your time now been hijacked by this person’s past actions, but so has your mood AND the mood of whoever you’re venting to.
Sure, you’ll feel slightly better venting to friends, but the feelings of resentment have started, and they rarely go away.
Do you also find yourself making time to “warn” others about a this person? Or how about “defending” this person, despite the majority of your friends tell you to cut this person out.
All of this is exhausting to say the least.
#3 History Doesn’t Mean $#!%
Soooo…you’ve been friends with this person for X amount of years.
You guys were BFF’s! You had a special bond like no other! You’ve been there for each other through the worst and the best! No one knows you like them!!… OMG! SO WHAT!
SERIOUSLY, SO WHAT.
HISTORY DOESN’T MEAN A DAMN THING.
People change and toxic people change for the worse.
Just because you have history doesn’t mean you are indebted to them for the rest of your life. You have every right to distance yourself from them ASAP, because I repeat…
YOU DON’T OWE THEM ANYTHING.
If you’ve tried to help, have been a listening ear, and offered to get them out of their dark place, then you’ve done the best you can ( and the only thing you can).
One famous saying I was taught in psychology is: you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. They wont take/want your helping hand, they’ll probably be in denial that there’s anything wrong in the first place, leaving you frustrated time and time again. If they do admit there’s something wrong, and take your helping hand…it wont last.
Toxic people will then find ANOTHER way to negatively impact your life. Here are two examples, I’ve witnessed countless times, involving toxic people who feel comfortable behaving the way they do, due to having a long history with you:
- Incessantly frustrate you with a new life crisis they’re having, because they know they have a problem and they can’t help themselves, because you’ve become the only one that can help them…
- OR they can sabotage themselves and EXPECT you to come to the rescue, yet again.
Do you see how YOU have become their savior of all things gone wrong? It’s incredibly taxing and just because you share history, doesn’t mean you must allow this cycle to continue.
It’s also important to NOT reminisce about the “good times” with this person. As that will only confuse your current reality and leave you susceptible to keeping this toxic person around.
#4 They Will Drag You Down With Them
HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE NEGATIVITY BIAS?
Negativity Bias refers to the fact that negative emotions, social interactions, events, etc., have a significantly greater effect on the mind than something that is positive (or neutral). In short, the bad outweighs the good.
Constantly being exposed to toxic people has an effect on your cognitive skills, (i.e attention, decision making, learning ability) and lets not forget your self esteem.
The following quote is from the book, “Positive Psychology: A Practical Guide”, by Bridgette Grenville-Cleave:
“…according to longitudinal research published in the British Medical Journal, moods and behaviors are contagious, a bit like viruses, and peoples happiness depends on the happiness of others with whom they are connected.”
LIKE I MENTIONED AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST, YOUR FRIENDS WILL MAKE OR BREAK YOU.
Toxic people are insidious and don’t always present themselves like the villains in the movies. Often times, they slip right under your nose and gain your undeserving trust and manipulate you with such finesse it blinds you.
Sometimes they’re those charming narcissists that everyone seems to love, but are incredibly manipulative and will make sure to take a jab at you every time they can.
Other times they’re the incredibly insecure types who are passive aggressive with your accomplishments, and undermine you to make sure you don’t feel like you’re better than them. (and often times, they’re not “blunt” enough to have you notice they’re insulting you)
They’re also those envious types, who are only there when you’re going through tough times, but once you’re better, they disappear and talk about you behind your back.
Oh, and let’s not forget the volatile ones who put you on a pedestal, lift you up, and once you feel great, they tear you down and cause you distress, to let it be known that they’re the true star.
However they present themselves, they all have one thing in common:
THEY WILL MAKE SURE TO BRING YOU DOWN WITH THEM
In conclusion, toxic people need to be cut out ASAP. You are not weak for saying,
“YOU KNOW WHAT? I DESERVE BETTER. I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT, COMPASSION, EMPATHY AND LOVE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.”
This makes you a STRONG individual who has realized that their mental health matters.
A STRONG individual says, “I don’t want to be around this anymore, because my feelings, my well being and my time matters.”
Go ahead. Cut those toxic people out of your life.
******** In the case that those toxic people end up being family members that you can’t cut out…DISTANCE is what it’s all about. You can still protect yourself by limiting your contact with said people, keeping conversations shallow, having your emotions be neutral and allowing your time to be spent only with people who love and support you. ********
I hope this post inspired you to better protect your energy, take better care of your mental health and walk this life with supportive people who deserve your love and attention.
Any comments or questions? I’d love to hear them!